I'm just a girl trying to find a place in this world...

I've been thinking a lot today. Just who am I?

Next month, I'm 17 and the time has come to start thing about uni and future careers. But honestly, I have no idea what i want to do. I know what subjects I enjoy and what I love to do, but I don't know what career they could lead me to and if I even want to pursue them. Who says I will still enjoy them 10 years down the road?

My life has changed so much over the past year, and in so many ways, I am very grateful. I have made the most amazing friends and met some of the most inspirational people in my life. They have all shaped me into the person I am today and I love every single one of them to pieces. But who is the person I have become? I don't know.

Sometimes I feel lost. The world is so big and there is so much out there; so many things I want to see and do. But I don't know how to. Recently, i seem to have lost all confidence. I used to be quite a confident person ~ at school I would always answer questions and offer to read. But now...I'd much rather sit at the back of the class and blend into the background.

It's ironic that this is coming from a Performing Arts Student. But I often find it so hard to be myself. Sure, i find it scary to stand on stage and act, sing or dance ~ but its a good scary. You get nervous and then the adrenalin builds up, you go out there and do your thing and you come away feeling amazing and wanting to do it again. On stage, you can put on a mask, be someone else and pretend that, for those few short moments, you are someone else. You don't have to let anyone in and you don't have to show anyone how you really feel inside. But ask me to stand in a room of people and be myself...you wont get a word out of me. I know I shouldn't care about what people think about me, but I'm not the most secure person in the world and I do worry about how people see me, becuase right now, I don't even know how I see me.

I think its time to start finding myself...but I just don't know how.

Just a small town girl, living in a lonely world...