Tears are the summer showers to the soul...

Sometimes, you just need to cry.

Today has been one of those days.

"Perhaps our eyes need to be washed by our tears once in a while, so that we can see life with a clearer view again."
~Alex Tan.

Time flies when you're having fun...

November 1st! Whoop!

I've been looking forward to this month for so long, and now, I'm almost sad that its here.

Two of my best friends, Beth and Rach, are taking me to see Ruthie Henshall in concert in 13 days time. I am so freakin' excited!!!! Ruthie has been an inspiration to me since i was 11 and saw here on the Les Mis TAC DVD that my Mum got me for Christmas. She has such an amazing voice and her stage presence is phenomenal. I was given the tickets in May for my birthday and it seemed so far away, but now its less than two weeks! I also have "Honk!" at the end of the month which is the School Musical in which my year are playing the leads. Ever since year seven I have been in the school shows and each year have got more excited at the prospect of being in Year 13 and being able to audition and maybe even play one of the lead roles. And now its here.

Sometimes, it amazes me how fast time goes. I find myself wishing away the days, the months until something that I'm looking forward to is going to happen. But then, once its here, I never want it to end. It'll sound stupid but, I even panic when the day comes. What if I don't remember the experience properly? What if it doesn't turn out how I want it to? What if it ends to quickly?

I need to try and prevent myself from panicking when these days come and, although I should look forward to special events, I need to stop wishing away the days and months else I'm going to be wishing away my life. I need to enjoy things while they last and when times get hard, remember all the good things that have happened.

"Everything in life is only for now" and therefore, I should enjoy everything while it lasts.

I Will Follow Where You Lead...

I love this show!

It makes me smile, it makes me laugh, it makes me cry and most importantly, it never fails to cheer me up!

And, it has some of the best quotes ever!

"Oi with the poodes already!" <3

I'm going to find the magic...

"And above all, watch with glittering eyes the whole world around you because the greatest secrets are always hidden in the most unlikely places. Those who don't believe in magic will never find it.”
~ Roald Dahl.

Anyone who knows me well will know that I love beautiful quotes like the one above. They make me happy and inspire me and they really do help me get through tough times.

While on work experience I was talking to the DSM about how I love quotes and she told me this one and its since become one of my favourites.

I absolutely love it! It's so true and highlights that we have to look for magic and beauty in this world, because it is there - we just need to find it.

Merrily We Roll Along...

"It's our time, breath it in. Worlds to change and worlds to win. Our turn coming through, me and you man, me and you". "Our Time - Merrily We Roll Along".

In my opinion, this song shows the amazing Mr Sondheim at his best. I love it! <3 It's just so beautiful and for me, represents all the emotions and experiences I am going through at the moment.

I'm in my final year of school at the moment and leave in 6 months. Scary! I have been in education for 15 years and now is the time I have to decide what to do with my life - who I want to be and where I want to go.

Over the past few weeks I have been writing my personal statement and I have to say I'm pretty happy with it! When i first started it, I hated it with a passion. It didn't sound like me! So after a night of panicking I changed the whole thing and now I'm far happier with it. I feel that it shows who I am and expresses all the things that I am passionate about. And that's what I wanted to get from it. I want the people who read it to think "Wow, she's pored her heart out here and we ca see exactly who she is."

The time has come to make some pretty big decisions in my life. Honestly, I don't know if I'm ready to make them yet, but I'm going to embrace all the changes that are coming and take on every opportunity that I can. Because like Mr Sondheim wrote;

"It's our heads on the block,
Give us room and start the clock,
Our dreams coming true,
Me and you man, me and you..."

This is my time, and I plan to make the most of it! xxxx

"The reason birds can fly and we can't is simply because they have perfect faith, for to have faith is to have wings."
— J.M. Barrie <3

Summer days drifted away...

WOW! I haven't updated this in a LONGGGGG time!

Where to begin?! So much has happened since the last blog. Well, i can say that generally, life has been kind and I am a very happy girl at the moment. I hope it stays this way because I love life right now :)

This summer has been AMAZING! I have done so much and through that met so many new people and experienced so many memorable things.

The first week of the Summer was spent at GSA - the most amazing, inspiring, creative place I have ever been to. I did the one week intensive acting course and I can honestly say I learnt more in those 5 days than in 3 years of BTEC and A Level at school. That kind of worries and scares me but i guess it just shows how good it is there. I met so many amazing people - both teachers and other summer school pupils, and it was so nice to meet so many people who have the same interests as me. We had so much to talk about and get excited about - it was amazing. One of my best memories from GSA would have to be pancake night. We all got back to our block, got into our pj's, and made pancakes while singing songs from the musicals. Perfect! Everyday i would walk through the doors and just thought about all the amazing people who had trained with the people who were teaching me and I just felt so lucky and privileged to be there. It had an amazing family atmosphere and is deffinantly somewhere i would love to go in the future.

The second week of the holidays was spent at home :) The day after i came home I went to my friends sisters wedding and it was gorgeous. She looked stunning and I had a great time! On the Saturday Mum and I took my Nan to see The Sound Of Music at the Birmingham Hippodrome for her 70th birthday. She loved it (as did I)! Connie Fisher was good as Maria but the Mother Superior stole the show. Her voice was incredible. When she sung climb every mountain I was so moved I just sat there and cried. It was a brilliant show.

After that, I spent 10 whole days with my amazing best friend! This might not seem that great to many people but when your best friend lives 5 hours away and you haven't seen them for 2 months - its a big deal! We had such an amazing time and I loved every second! We managed to see lots of shows including Gotta Sing, Gotta Dance, Legally Blonde, Into The Woods and The 39 Steps all of which were amazing! We also made a very special trip back up to Birmingham to see "The Night Of Six Voices" which was a charity concert to raise money for Bex and Sal's walk to the west end in September. They did amazingly well raising £600 and the show itself was fantastic! The 10 days with Nat were amazing but went all too quickly for my liking as I was back home in what felt like a couple of days!

Being home wasn't all that bad though. Mum, Dad and Tom were all on holiday in Greece so when I arrived back in Lichfield my Gran and Pops came to pick me up along with my cousin Ellie and Auntie Sue who both live in Wimbledon. It was lovely to see them all, especially my cousin and Auntie who I hadn't seen for more than a few hours since April! I got home on the Thursday and on spent all of Friday with them staying at my Gran's overnight. I had a brilliant time and especially loved the fact that my cousin told me she loves musicals. I was a very proud older cousin! ;)

On the Saturday morning, I was up bright and early as I was heading back to London to see my two favourite Mancunians Beth and Rach who, again, i hadn't seen in an eternity (or 6 months to be precise)! We went to the Legally Blonde CD signing where Alex was telling us all about WWRY and then walked around London all day. It was so much fun! I love Beth and Rach so much - they're funny and kind and two of my bestest friends in the world. It felt so good to see them again. Next time I see them will probably be November which will be amazing as they are taking me to see Ruthie Henshall in concert for my birthday! BLEGH!!!!!! Exciting much?!

I then came home and Mum, Dad and Tom all came back late on Tuesday night. After 15 days of being apart it was lovely to see them, even if I do look like a milk bottle next to them all! The next few days were spent catching up with family and clearing the enormous pile of washing that 4 people make when away for just over 2 weeks. The next exciting thing to come along was seeing the national tour of Joseph. I was excited to see it as I knew Trina from the WWRY tour was in it, but it wasn't until i got to the theatre that I found out she was playing the narrator. When the announcement for understudies came on, I hoped and prayed that her name would not be announced and was relived when it didn't. The curtain went up, the overture was played, Trina walked out on stage and sang and I honestly think I stopped breathing for a few seconds. WOW. I knew she could sing, but I never knew she could sing like that! She has this amazing ability to sing with a gorgeous pure, soprano voice but then belt from her chest like there's no tomorrow. She stole the show.

That's pretty much it for summer. I going to London for one last time this weekend to see Billy Elliot and Priscilla with our refunded tickets from last time when it was cancelled due to the bus breaking. I'm really excited but also don't want it to come as it means that summer is over and school and the hard work begins all again. I want to say a huge thank you to everyone who has made this summer so special for me. I have loved it so much and the memories from it will never leave me.

Summer 2010, you had a lot to live up to but you certainly beat 2009 and did it in style!

Forgotten...

"The worst feeling isn't being lonely. It's being forgotten by someone you would never forget."

4 times in the past 2 days i have been forgotten by people i would never forget.

Sometimes i feel invisible. It's like I'm not even here at all

I can stand in group of people and speak in a conversation, but i don't get heard. I can be sitting in the same room as people, and don't get asked the same question or offered the same thing as everyone else. I could quite easily disappear.

Take last night for example, I went to the School Summer Concert to sing and got home at about 10. I walked through the door and my dad asks where I've been. I tell him, and his answer? "Oh, i didn't even know you weren't in the house". I had told him five minutes before i went out that I was going to the concert.

Try not to forget people, especially the ones you love.

Sometimes, i feel so inadequate.

So Beautiful In So Many Ways

"Just living is not enough. One must have sunshine, freedom and a little flower."

- Hans Christian Anderson

I love this quote. xxx

And I Owe It All To You...

These two shows have changed my life.

I know that that will sound cliched and people will think that I'm being over dramatic. But I'm really not. Thanks to these two shows,I have found some of the most amazing friends possible and when I am with them, I feel like I belong.

Being a fan of Musical Theatre is not really "cool" when you're a teenager and although there are people at home who like it, they do not like it to the extant that I do. I love to go to see a show and buy a programme and find out where the cast members trained and what else they have been in and see if I have seen them in anything before. That's part of the excitement for me. I also love to go home and research the show, find out who else has been in it, who wrote it and where it was originally performed. For the people who like MT here at home, they don't find that enjoyable at all. They will happily see a show and enjoy it, but after they will happily forget about it.

But now I've got to know people through these two shows I now have people that I am able to talk to about these things and I know they will care and listen. I'm so lucky to have met these people and I am so lucky that I've been able to do it in such an extraordinary way.

It's funny to think that if Musical Theatre (especially these two shows) and the Internet didn't exist, I probably wouldn't have many of the amazing friendships I have today. I have friends who live as far up north as Aberdeen in Scotland as as far down south as Eastbourne and if it wasn't for these two shows in particular, I never would have met them. Fate is a funny thing.

Some of the people I have met have honestly become some of my best friends in the world, and I know that if I ever need them, they will be there. I am so lucky to be able to have friendships like this and I want each and every one of them to know that if they ever need me, I am here. Always.

I love these two shows for everything they have done for me. Not only have they entertained me, but they have changed me as a person, introducing me to some of the most amazing people I have ever met who, in turn, are shaping me into the person I will one day become.

I love these shows, I love my life and, most importantly, I love my friends.

Love is something that everybody needs and I am so lucky to have it.
xxxxx

Come back to me?

I know you're not in my life anymore but i miss you and i want you back.

You were always the one who believed in me and told me i could do anything - you were always there and never doubted me for a second. I need someone like that in my life at the moment.

I miss you so much Grandad, and i wish you were still here with me today.

I miss the way you smiled, the way you laughed, the way you hugged me so tight i couldn't breath. But most of all, i just miss you. You had such a precence and a warmth and i miss that so much.

I love you and I always will. xxxxx

Means to an ends...

Not done one of these in a while!

Well, what has May brought so far?
Honestly, not a lot!

I've started rehearsals for Shakespeare In The Park. It'll be an amazing experience! We're performing The Taming Of The Shrew and its all performed outside in a beautiful glen in the country side by where I live. Its really good fun, but gets really cold when rehearsing at night!

May has also means exam time! Which, in turn, means revision, exam stress and illness. I hate doing exams at the best of times, but now they are really starting to mean something and the grades I get now can and will affect the rest of my life. SCARYY!!!!

I hate revising and at the moment i really don't like school. But if i want to go to university, its just something i have to do and plod along with. Hopefully it will all be worthwhile in the end and get me to where i want to be. I just want to do my best and for that to hopefully be good enough. If i open my AS results envelope to see A,A,B,C then i will be one happy girl!

To anyone reading this who is taking exams, good luck! To those of you who aren't...well, lucky you! ;)

Love xxx

Gotta be who i wanna be...

If you wish to travel far and fast, travel light. Take off all your envies, jealousies, unforgiveness, selfishness and fears, & you'll soar.

Love that quote <3

That's What Friends Are For...

I am soooo excited!

After 3 months, 10 days and however many hours, I am seeing my best friend again!

Living 5 hours away from the person you are closest too sucks, and it makes it really hard when you need a hug or a cry because its just not possible to pop down the road and comfort each other. But we get by, after all...distance makes the heart grow fonder.

I could go on about this girl all day, and people would take one look at this blog and not bother reading it. So im going to keep it short, sweet and simple.

Natalie Golding is the most amazing friend i could ever wish for. She is always there for me - she can make me laugh, make me smile and make me cry (in a good way)! I honestly think my life would be so different if she was not my friend and wouldn't be the person I am today.

Because I knew you, I have been changed for good.

What would we do without our best friends ay?

Spread the love :) xxx

A melody I start, but I will complete...

Sometimes, i just wish someone would listen.

Sure, people act like they're listening, but they're not really. They just let what you're saying go in one ear and out the other. They don't really care what you say, so long as you're saying something.

Guys, if some one talks to you, dont pretend to listen and only half concentrate. Give them your 100% concentration, becuase sometimes, people are screaming out to the world and they just need one person to really listen to them and then they feel alright.

Listening is the key to unlocking someones heart...

Let the sun shine in...

I love how the sunshine makes everyone happy. It's so nice to feel warm and to have the sun after the dark, cold past few months. Lets hope it stays like this until the end of the summer now!

Also, i found this photo today and love it!;

Love xxx

Walk To The West End...

I don't know who reads this, if anyone, but if you do please take a moment to read this blog and help make a difference.

Two amazing girls who I know are doing a sponsored walk for charity and I would LOVE it if you could help them with sponsorship! Yes, people do sponsored walks all the time, but this one really is special.


Becky and Sal (who some people may know from Youtube as BeautifullyTragicUK) are walking from Birmingham Hippodrome to the Dominion Theatre, the home of the Queen musical "We Weill Rock You", in London's West End to raise Money for the Mercury Phoenix Trust. This is a birlliant charity who help people who have been diagnoised with and are suffering from aids all ove the world, and wa set up by the remaining memebers of Queen in Freddie Mercury's memory.

Bex and Sal will be walking 112 miles over a week, 16 miles a day and really need your help and support through sponsors. Im sure you will agree this is a very brave and challenging task and i wish them all the love and luck in the world.

You can sponsor Bex and Sal here;
http://www.justgiving.com/walktowestend

Find out more about the Mercury Phoenix Trust here; http://www.mercuryphoenixtrust.com/Home.aspx

And watch their V-logs on their progress here;
http://www.youtube.com/user/walktowestend

Anything you can spare, no matter how much or how little would be much appreciated!

Spread the word and the love! xxx

There's been a change in me...

Thinking back over the past year, pretty much everything in my life has changed. But I am so happy it has.

2009 allowed me to meet some of the most amazing people - I have made some of the best friends in the world, and have been inspired by so many new people.

I love each and everyone of these people so much, and I hope they realise that. They have changed my life for the better and I honestly don't know what i would do with out them, they are my guidance and support and my life line.

The people know who they are, and i want to thank each and every one of them for just being them. I love you all.

"I thank the lord there's people out there like you..."

I'm just a girl trying to find a place in this world...

I've been thinking a lot today. Just who am I?

Next month, I'm 17 and the time has come to start thing about uni and future careers. But honestly, I have no idea what i want to do. I know what subjects I enjoy and what I love to do, but I don't know what career they could lead me to and if I even want to pursue them. Who says I will still enjoy them 10 years down the road?

My life has changed so much over the past year, and in so many ways, I am very grateful. I have made the most amazing friends and met some of the most inspirational people in my life. They have all shaped me into the person I am today and I love every single one of them to pieces. But who is the person I have become? I don't know.

Sometimes I feel lost. The world is so big and there is so much out there; so many things I want to see and do. But I don't know how to. Recently, i seem to have lost all confidence. I used to be quite a confident person ~ at school I would always answer questions and offer to read. But now...I'd much rather sit at the back of the class and blend into the background.

It's ironic that this is coming from a Performing Arts Student. But I often find it so hard to be myself. Sure, i find it scary to stand on stage and act, sing or dance ~ but its a good scary. You get nervous and then the adrenalin builds up, you go out there and do your thing and you come away feeling amazing and wanting to do it again. On stage, you can put on a mask, be someone else and pretend that, for those few short moments, you are someone else. You don't have to let anyone in and you don't have to show anyone how you really feel inside. But ask me to stand in a room of people and be myself...you wont get a word out of me. I know I shouldn't care about what people think about me, but I'm not the most secure person in the world and I do worry about how people see me, becuase right now, I don't even know how I see me.

I think its time to start finding myself...but I just don't know how.

Just a small town girl, living in a lonely world...